hard times

This is going to be a completely honest blog update. I am really struggling right now: struggling with motivation, struggling with optimism, struggling with enthusiasm, struggling with the blues. I''m not quite sure what happened, but everything suddenly became very, very difficult. While we are going full steam ahead with our World Aids Day plans (massive hiv testing event over 3 days, with music, movies, singing, dancing, drumming and a candlelight vigil), and my hiv movie days at the secondary school have been a big hit, some of our other projects are fizzling. Our English and Art clubs at the secondary school have had dwindling attendance; Tony's wrote a grant to buy sewing and gardening supplies for our orphan's group and many of them have lost interest in learning to sew or maintain their garden; we have had big problems with water, just like last year; people have been begging from us worse than ever. We don't honestly know who wants to be our friend because they genuinely like us or because they want something from us. We have most definitely put ourselves out there and are doing our jobs the best we can, but I think this is pretty typical of development work: people lose interest in projects and simply wait for the next handout. I have lost heart. I am burned out. My posture is hunched because I have subconsciously started trying to "hide" from the constant, relentless staring--I cannot do anything without being stared at like the pink elephant in the living room. No, don't send somebody to come and get me--I'm going to ride this out and see where I end up. I am doing my best to take care of myself, but right now, I am looking forward to the next chapter of my life, post Peace Corps Tanzania. Sorry. I warned you it was going to be the whole truth this time.

In other news, we managed to find a tv in Mpwapwa to watch some election coverage, and we got to see Obama's acceptance speech. I am so very proud to be an American.